Undone

Bad dreams are like phantoms in the night. For myself, sometimes they stay phantoms long after the sun's come up.  There's nothing like an insanely busy week to take your mind off of every other thing. Sometimes, that's a good thing. But my brain, while active in the subconscious dream state , remains vulnerable to the lies of the Deceiver. And sometimes, he works overtime to ensure that the thoughts I've worked so hard to capture and lay at the feet of Christ are taken back and let loose once I've entered that state of rest where my mind conjures up weird images.

And it's disconcerting when those phantoms follow me around in the light of day, plaguing my thoughts and my attitude. And somehow, the fact that they arrived at night, weakens my ability to fight them off in the day. I find myself irritable, sensitive--overly-so, emotional. 

And instead of turning to the salve of the Word, the sword of the Spirit, I turn to my own self-destructive methods. Acquire control, and then I'll feel better. Dominate the thoughts with spite-driven images that I conjure up from the ugliest parts of myself, and then I will be able to relax. But like sweet poison, it goes down smoothly, duping me into believing that this brand of venom is working. All of a sudden, it begins to wrack my insides with spasms and I am undone. Shame, remorse, confusion, frustration--all of these follow and I'm worse off than before. 

It's like being dragged back to square one. How can I ever claim joy and thankfulness and peace when I am so easily distracted by phantoms--unreal and utterly false? It seems that there are still hidden caverns of doubt and fear in my mind that have yet to be exposed to the brilliance of Truth, the rock-steady Word of the Cornerstone.

I am defeated a million times over, if I cannot find Your voice in the darkness of night! I will struggle and become deformed if I rely on my own methods. On my own, all I do is cut and tear and rip. And these wounds hurt and damage. They leave marks that I cannot reverse. Teach me, Abba, to wake with the Words of Life on my lips; resounding in my head, after the Prince of Darkness wreaks his havoc in my mind. Your Words will remind me of what is real.  Your Love is truly healing.  

*I can do all this through Him who gives me strength. 

*May these words of my mouth and THIS MEDITATION OF MY HEART be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock & my Redeemer 

*Do not conform to the pattern of this world be be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is; his good, pleasing and perfect will. 

*We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.  

*Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit,which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.